Learning How to Use My Spoons

That is right. I said spoons. Many of people will be wondering what the heck I am talking about. And to be serious. I had no idea what it meant till only a couple of days ago.

I am still learning how to handle my ever changing life with a chronic illness. It's hard. I am not able to do even little things I use to be able to do. Taking a shower, though nice, I will have to pay for it with utter exhaustion afterward. Just cause I was standing and moving my body for the time I was in there. That is why I take them at night, so that I will just sleep afterward. Things like brushing my teeth, hand writing, drawing, typing, making food. All this is becoming harder as the days go by.
Though I still push myself. I keep on wanting to be able to do what I use to.

Back to spoons. A lady called Christine Miserandino is a sufferer of Lupus. Which is not a very nice disease. I believe it is where your immune system starts to attack your own tissue and organs. It is very painful for the person who has it. One day when she was in collage. Her friend and her we eating out, and her friend asked her what it was like to live with her sickness. And that was when she came up with the spoon theory. (Link to her articular here)

You only get a certain amount of spoons a day. Twelve or maybe eight spoons. (metaphorical spoons) Each spoon is worth something that takes effort during the day. Getting out of bed, that uses one spoon. Getting ready, another spoon gone. This is a system to help you think about how much energy you are going to be using on each move. Making you think deeper and harder about how you are going to carry out that day. Walking to the shops, is it worth the spoon?
These are all life choices I am having to make. I use to walk to the Plazer with my friends from course, once or maybe even twice a day. But I have had to stop doing that. Cause it is using up valuable energy that I could be using to get work done. Also I am finding it hard to walk. I am becoming slower and slower.
Though I'm still learning how to do this. I am so use to living with energy. Today I tried using the spoon method. Then lost count. I get side tracked, when I need to be thinking about the end result of things. But I will get better at this. And one day I will be able to handle my spoons.

Really all you can do when you wake up in the morning. Is drag your but out of bed, and put on a brave face. Freaking smile too. Learning that my body is ever crashing on me, is a lot to take in. Not being able to do things, always feeling tired and in pain, is a heart wrenching. It's hard. But like it says in the bible, there is a time for for crying and a time for happiness.
There is a time to cry. Trust me, I've cried a lot. We all have braking moments. But what I have learnt the most, is you cannot let your condition bring you down. Put on a brave face, smile, be happy, but don't fake it. Really be happy. Through this whole thing, I have chosen to be happy, even when my body is giving me hell.
At youth group when my body is in turmoil. When I'd rather crying, and be mopey. I chose to be joyful. It doesn't make it any better. Because, what would that do for me? Well it would just make others around me miserable.
So that is my long talk. I want to write more. But they are all on different subjects. So will be back with more.

May the odds be ever in your favor... and may your spoons help you on.